If only
by Marisay-chan
Summary: Madara thinks about his relationship with Natsume


_Marisay-chan writing here! I happened to come across this story while I was cleaning up my hard disk. I posted this story on another website, and thought that I should post it here as well after doing a bit more editing…as well as to show that I am not dead yet *Sweatdrop*_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, only the story! ^_^_

_In italics are thoughts_

**In bold are flashbacks**

_Summary: Madara thinks about his relationship with Natsume_

_Story Starts_

* * *

"Then, I'm off!" A door was heard closing.

Madara slowly opened his eyes at the sound. Letting out a yawn, he walked to the window, watching as Natsume left for school once again.

"Hmph."

Madara stretched himself and rolled to his back. Rather than the usual, which would include following Natsume or drinking sake with the other spirits, Madara choose to stay at home today.

Madara huffed.

_Since when had following Natsume been a usual routine?_

Madara went downstairs to get some food.

"Ah, good morning, Neko-chan!" Touko greeted him the moment he entered the kitchen. "Here, some shrimps for you."

…_How long has it been since I came here? How long have I been with Natsume?_

Madara brought the plate of shrimps back to Natsume's room, nibbling on one of the shrimps happily.

…_I remembered the first time I met him._

It was quite a meeting between the two. Because of Natsume, he was freed from the seal. At that point, when he found out Natsume was Reiko's grandson, the Book of Friends came to mind immediately.

_I will use this chance to take the Book of Friends._

That was what Madara thought at first.

However, he never expected that her grandson was so powerful.

"How irritating…" Madara muttered.

He also did not expect that Natsume would keep the Book of Friends and focused on returning the names inside it. To keep Madara from attacking him, Natsume even made a deal with him, a strong spirit.

…_Only because I would get the_ _Book of Friends at the end…_

…Yes. It was only because of that.

But…overtime, he found himself forgetting about the deal. He found himself getting annoyed by the spirits that were always trying to eat Natsume or harm him…he found himself-

"**What a pity. You actually got a chance to eat a Mermaid and all."**

"**Haha. If I did that, you would never get the Book of Friends now, would you?"**

"…" Madara stared blankly out of the window.

It was times like this that made Madara have deep thoughts. Indeed, why had he said that? His reason to stay with Natsume was merely to get the Book of Friends. With the human gone, the Book of Friends would be promised to him… nothing more…

…_If that was so…what is this feeling that resides inside me?_

Madara remembered the time when Natsume had his sight temporary sealed, a problem he encountered when he was helping the crazy hugging girl. He remembered how Natsume was calling out, looking around the room for him when he transformed, even though he was only right next to him. He did not know how to describe the feeling the welled up in his chest when he saw that. So he stayed silent, only letting out a huff that rustled Natsume's hair, indicating his presence.

The maneki neko reminisced about their adventure. The both of them went through a lot. Fighting spirits, rescuing Natsume, the circle of friends that Natsume made, meeting new spirits that sticks themselves to Natsume, and knowing exorcists…

Madara narrowed his eyes at the mention of the exorcists. While the Natori guy was bearable, that Matoba brat…

He could feel the rage from that time. The fleeting moment when Natsume went forward, trying to protect him, and ended up injured. Yet, despite how angry he was, he…

"**Sensei! Sensei, calm down! Don't move around so much, you are bleeding! You will open your wound!"**

…Chose to stop at the mere sound of his voice.

Why? Madara could not comprehend that. Was he really growing soft?

A scoff escaped the cat's mouth. "As if…"

Curling up into a ball, Madara closed his eyes.

And for a brief moment, the words that Hinoe said to Natsume, floated in his mind.

"**I will protect you, if you call me. There is no helping it, is there? Nope. We like you, so it is inevitable."**

…_Is that the reason why I decided to stay by your side, instead of going else where, like when Benio had offered?_

Slowly, Madara started to drift off to sleep, the memory of playing shadow tag, of how happy everyone was, played in his mind.

…_Human's life is so fleeting…Natsume…If only…If only…_

…

..

.

"I-I'm back…" A paled face Natsume stumbled into his room. He lied down on the floor, exhausted. "I'm beat…I wish they would choose a better time for me to return their names…hm?"

Natsume just noticed Madara was lying on the floor across of him.

"…Nyanko-sensei?" Natsume moved towards the sleeping spirit. "…How rare. He is actually sleeping. I thought he was off drinking sake again when I did not see him all day…"

Natsume gently stroke Madara, a soft smile appearing when he heard purrings. He then took out the Book of Friends from his bag, and set it on the table. Giving it a short glance, a sigh unintentionally released itself.

"…Ne, Nyanko-sensei…the Book of Friends is really getting thinner now." He told the still sleeping cat. "…What will happen after…all the names have been returned?" Natsume's eyes softened. "…Will you still…"

Closing his eyes, Natsume collapsed down next to Madara, fatigue creeping up on him. "…If only…"

_~A few minutes later~_

Touko came into the room, smiling helplessly at both of the sleeping figures. "You will catch a cold like this, Takeshi-kun. Neko-chan as well." She then placed a blanket over the both them, gently patting Natsume's hair before leaving the room with a smile.

_If only…_

That night, both of them dreamed of standing in front of a cherry blossom tree, with Natsume carrying Madara in his arms, watching peacefully as the petals floated around them.

_If only…_

…_We could be together…forever…_

~The End~

* * *

_Of all the mangas I have seen so far, Natsume Yuujincho has my greatest respect in terms of emotions and life. I can't tell you how many times I have cried while reading the manga._

_Things to note:_

_Neko = Cat in Japanese_

_-sensei = Teacher, also used as a title to refer figures of authority_

_Maneki neko = A common Japanese cat figurine, often believed to bring good luck to the owner_

_**Omake:**_

_**~The next day~**_

"_**Nyanko-sensei?" Natsume suddenly asked while doing his homework.**_

"_**What?"**_

"…" _**The pen, held in Natsume's hand, continued writing words on the paper. "…What would you do after getting the Book of Friends?"**_

_**Madara glanced at the human, who did not look up from his work. "…Heh, it would be fun controlling the spirits. Maybe I would create chaos with it." The cat replied happily.**_

_**The pen paused. "I see…"**_

"…_**But that won't happen for a long time."**_

"_**Eh…?" Natsume looked up from his work, only to find Madara had turned his back towards him, paws fiddling with something.**_

_**Madara then turned his head halfway, just so one of his eyes was looking at Natsume. "I won't let you die."**_

_**Golden-brown eyes widened at the confident statement.**_

"_**After all, I can't let some weakling get my prey. It is a huge insult." Madara turned his attention back to what he was doing before. "I am the only who gets to eat you."**_

_**Natsume blinked, before letting out a chuckle. "Who are yo-" He sniffed the air. "Wait a second, that smell-!"**_

"_**Hm?" Madara blinked innocently, mouth filled with rice crackers that was supposed to be Natsume's.**_

"_**NYANKO-SENSEI!"**_

_That's all folks! Do leave a review behind!_


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